The last thing you want to do after a separation or divorce is play nice with your ex. However, when you have kids you have to act in love, become selfless and bite your tongue at times. Children often feel unsettled and confused after a parent leaves the home and will act out such feelings through negative behavior. To reduce this frustration it is best to encourage a relationship with their father by making visitation and contact accessible and stress free. The best thing you can do as a mother is to eliminate negative conversation and statements about dad around the children. Take this conversation up with a friend or a therapist so you can heal too.
It is best to look at your relationship as a business venture instead of focusing on the failed relationship that has now passed. The company goal should be to raise successful, well balanced and happy children. Making the primary focus to develop a well oiled machine to get this done most effectively.
Parents should build consistency between homes and communicate with each other on discipline, expectations and requirements of the children. This alone helps the child to know what to look forward to even when they spend time with dad. It is also a good idea to let them see you communicate and consult with one another as children tend to pit parents against each other if this is not established and then getting away with things at one home and other things when home with you. Children are very intelligent and resourceful.
Co Parenting may seem overwhelming, and it may be for awhile, but doing so positively promotes many healthy things for a child.
1. Increases Self Esteem
2.Helps the children to develop problem solving skills
3. Helps children to accept change with a positive outlook.
4. Creates a sense of security
As I said before, this will be difficult as you have experienced, hurt, disappointment and maybe even anger as a result of the actions or behavior of your ex, but do not let this trickle down. This is NOT about you and should never be. As a single mom you have so many other balls to juggle you do not have the time or energy to stay angry, harbor resentment or make this transition even more difficult. Do not continue to give your ex or the situation your power. Get a schedule, stick to it and get the kids to dad for his parenting time, children should never feel as though they have to choose.
Many families move to the Chandler area for the benefits of a great school district, nice neighborhoods, parks and extra curricular activities. Since you have set the stage now you must play your supportive role. Positive co parenting goes a long way, and when it is all said and done your kids will not only know love but have a healthy example of cooperative parents to take into real life and create positive patterns for themselves.