Love is an action word and your partner may show her love in many caring ways, apart from lovemaking. Show appreciation for all that she does, rather than just keeping score of the times that you feel sexually rejected. What you focus on will magnify, so put your focus on the positive and on building a stronger heart connection. I bet more intimacy will manifest.
Rather than criticizing her low libido, recognize that she also wants something that she is not receiving. Possibly affection? Respect? Appreciation? Trust? Variety in lovemaking? Put your energy into doing your part to change the situation – initiate communication, show respect and appreciation, be generous with nonsexual touch, refrain from criticism, judgment, control tactics, or put-downs. Isn’t it worth taking this leap of faith?
Which comes first – sexual desire or arousal? Desire does not need to be present for arousal to blossom. Initiate nonsexual touch – snuggling, a back rub, foot massage, head rub, lightly trace the lines in the palms of her hands – you get the picture. When a woman can relax and enjoy soft, sweet, nonsexual touch, guess what? – arousal often happens. All appetites need a trigger. Do you ever sit down for a meal not feeling hungry, and as you start eating you recognize that you are hungry after all? The same goes for sexual desire.
A woman’s sexual desire is a natural consequence of feeling loved and supported. She needs a heart connection before she desires a sexual one. Of course, there are many factors that may contribute to a low libido and desire discrepancy in a relationship, and these suggestions are not intended as a “fix all.” You may want to contact a sex coach or therapist for further guidance.
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Pam Babbitt, Founder/Editor of SexCoaching.com
Sex and Relationship Coach
720.206.4777 and 888.719.7119
Pam Babbitt, S.I., is a recognized and respected Sex and Relationship Coach. Located in Boulder, Colorado, she offers in-person and phone sessions. Pam is also the Founder/Editor of http://www.SexCoaching.com – an all-inclusive resource for sexuality, relationships and tantra, including a Directory of Sex and Relationship Professionals, Calendar of Events, and an Ask the Sex Coach feature.
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