In what has to be the strangest story that you’re going to read all day, Mallrats star Jeremy London (remember him?) was kidnapped in Palm Springs, forced to smoke crack at gunpoint, and then driven to a bad neighborhood where he was compelled to distribute booze to the locals. No, seriously, that’s what happened. London hasn’t really been on our radar for years– Mallrats is the last thing I can recall seeing him in– but apparently, for two crooks with a weird sense of humor, he’s still recognizable enough for a good ol’ fashioned kidnapping. Read all about it for yourselves below, my gentle Examiner readers….
Jeremy London starred opposite Jason Lee in Kevin Smith’s Mallrats back in the day, and– chances are– that’s what you’ll remember him for more than anything else. You may, however, find yourself thinking about him in a brand-new way after reading the following:
Armed bandits abducted and robbed Party of Five star Jeremy London and forced him to smoke drugs during a harrowing five hour ordeal in Palm Springs, California, police have revealed to RadarOnline.com.
London, 37, was attempting to change a flat tire on his vehicle when two men stopped to help him, outside the Bahama Hotel & Apartments on North Palm Canyon Drive, late on the evening of Thursday, June 10.
Bandits? What is this, Red Dead Redemption? After initially kidnapping the actor, the crooks used a small handgun to force him into smoking crack before driving him around in his own car for several hours, basically acting like D-bags. One can only imagine that this was one of the most tension-filled car rides of all time. But that’s not the weirdest part of an already-weird story. This is:
He told officers (during the kidnapping) that he was forced to smoke dope and then purchase booze and hand it out in a gang area of Palm Springs,” Sergeant Douglas told RadarOnline.com, in an exclusive interview.
So, just to recap everything we’ve learned thus far: Jeremy London was minding his own business, changing a tire (how did they flee with London in tow in a car that had a flat tire? He must’ve had it finished when the kidnappers arrived, huh?), when two hoodlums emerged from the shadows. They got him into the car, forced him to smoke crack at gunpoint, and then took him to a store where he purchased some amount of booze. He was then coerced into handing out said booze in a “gang area” in Palm Springs. Man, if I had a nickle for every time I heard this story…
After London reported the story to police officers (which is understandable), the cops were able to locate the car in Palm Springs at a location where one of the kidnappers lived. He was taken into custody, and then the other kidnapper was scooped up. According to the police, one officer actually saw the two kidnappers approaching London while he was changing his tire and mistook their approach for the two offering help. He remembered what the two men looked like later, and that helped the cops identify the two kidnappers. Incidentally, London recently finished up a rehab program for drug addiction. He’s alright now, but one imagines that he’s probably a little shaken up after all this:
Jeremy said it was a terrorizing experience,” a source close to the Hollywood actor told RadarOnline.com, of the dramatic kidnapping incident.
“He spent hours thinking he was going to die and he did what he had to do not to end up shot or dead.”
Yeah, that sounds about right. Thankfully, London survived the incident and is safe at home now. One imagines that the charges that will be filed against the two kidnappers will be quite severe, but that’s a good thing. Hopefully, they’ll end up in Chino being forced to do a different series of things in short order. At the very least, there must be a felony kidnapping charge in their futures.
That’s all we’ve got for you for now on this one, folks, but stay tuned for more if it becomes available. We’ve got all manner of funny videos, news, reviews, interviews, recaps, funny pictures, and more to keep you entertained all summer long, so hit the “Subscribe” button up top to get all of it delivered straight to your inbox, free of charge, the moment it’s published. Why, if that wasn’t enough, we’ve also got some other recent Comedy Examiner articles for you to look over while you’re here:
OBVIOUS NEWS: “BREAKING BAD”, TV’S DARKEST COMEDY, GETS RENEWED FOR A FOURTH SEASON– in which we learn the obvious, and we celebrate it, anyway: Walter White is coming back for a fourth season, suckers!
FUNNY VIDEO: NO ONE IN HOLLYWOOD IS REALLY DUMB ENOUGH TO REMAKE “CITIZEN KANE”, ARE THEY? (WITH VIDEO)– in which we check out a fake trailer for an upcoming (but not really) remake of one of the greatest films ever made. It’s good times.
10 SCENES FROM HOWARD STERN’S “PRIVATE PARTS” THAT WE’D LIKE TO SEE RE-ENACTED IN THE UPCOMING RUSH LIMBAUGH BIOPIC– in which the Comedy Examiner and the Howard Stern Examiner go head to head to mock Rush Limbaugh. What more could you want?
SHOCKER: AND NOW, THE NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN, TOP-SECRET ENDING OF “LOST” THAT ABC DIDN’T WANT YOU TO SEE (WITH VIDEO)– in which we finally reveal the real ending for ABC’s “LOST”. You’ll never guess how it was supposed to end.
(photos: top–radar.com, middle–myspace.com, bottom–estergoldberg.typepad.com)