Dispelling common pitfalls in a new marriage
Marriage is all about sex
That statement is not exactly accurate, but it can begin to seem that way for many. Granted there are couples out there who just can’t get enough of each other. You’ve seen them groping one another in the dark corner of a restaurant. Alright, so sometimes it’s unnerving watching grandma and grandpa feel each other up, but there it is. Unfortunately for many couples it becomes a point of contention and other smaller arguments begin to spiral out of it.
Most people would assume that the first year of marriage still being in what we refer to as the honeymoon phase should be filled with days and nights of passion. That’s not always the case. The wedding is over and so everything must be settled into a new home, new routines, adjusting for many aspects of life. It’s exhausting. While most men will still say, “I’m never too tired for sex,” the majority of women will say, “Check with me tomorrow.”
Other times – and this may be a sore spot for some, but women will use sex before getting married to entice and then once married it seems to the new husband that it came to a screeching halt. In all honesty women tend to do this subconsciously. Explaining it in a way that a man might understand better – It’s rather like having a new puppy. When you first get the puppy you think his hyperactivity is too cute. It’s playful and romping and fun to be around. After several months of the chewing, shredding, and hiking of legs where ever, whenever it all gets to be a bit much. You just want the dog to sit down, be quiet, and play only when it’s playtime.
On the flip side of this scenario it’s only fair to give a comparison for women so they might understand how the men feel. One day you find a kitten you like and bring her home. She plays, she scampers, she bats the ball of yarn lovingly and you cherish her. You feed her, love her and she looks at you adoringly, winding herself around your legs and purring. Several months pass and suddenly she only comes around when the mood strikes her. She more or less seems to ignore you completely even though you’re still feeding her, petting her and trying to show her affection. You’re out in the cold left with something that only looks at you like you’re the dumbest creature that has ever lived, but you’d better still tow the line.
Here are some things men and women need to grasp firmly:
Ladies – Romance is great. Being wooed, cajoled and made to feel like he really wants you is stellar and really plays to your wheelhouse on what revs your engine. However – it’s not a necessity and shouldn’t be leverage for sex. Having a time planned during the week for a date night in which all that romance can be paid attention to is wonderful, but don’t let that be the only time during the week that you’re going to have sex just because all the dominos were set up correctly for it. There’s a great deal to be said for spontaneous quickies. Love and Marriage cannot stress this enough – men go insane when women initiate sex. Don’t assume that because you’re now married you became a Madonna and therefore he must be the one to initiate sex every time. We’re talking about men here ladies. Not to be callous to them or attempt to suggest they’re all cavemen, but honestly if you want to have an amazing relationship men require three things: Food, sex and don’t nag. If you can handle those three things – they’ll be willing to work around anything else that may come up.
Men – Yes she may very well have worn hot lingerie and matching sets, but at some point reality must set in. Most women at some point are going to want to wear comfortable undergarments. They’re going to have a favorite comfortable robe, t-shirt or sweats to lounge around the house. Constantly complaining about her looking sexy isn’t going to get you anywhere. Women take this personally. Unless you have a job which only allows you to see each other a few times a week or month the odds that she’s going to look like a Barbie doll 24/7 is not likely.
Women usually take the brunt of accusations when it comes to nagging, but men do it as well. Unless asked, keep your opinions to yourself. What men call nagging, women refer to as criticizing. This doesn’t necessarily have to be about lack of enthusiasm in bed. This can be about anything regarding household matters, driving, running errands, working, etc. Something many men stumble over is a comment that begins with, “My mom always….” This is a dangerous place to go in a new marriage. The last thing a new wife wants is to be compared to her groom’s mother’s abilities.
Further, just because you married her does not mean that now little things like her favorite type of coffee or tea, occasional flowers or knowing which song on her iPod makes her weak in the knees are no longer of any importance. If you want to continue to have great sex, be mindful of those small things, because they pay big dividends in most women.
Often we see marriage as the next milestone in life. It’s not. It’s a gift and should be treated as such. When you find someone that you truly want to share your life with – the ups, the downs, and all the boring moments in between it cultivates a desire for closeness. Not just emotional, but physically as well. Expressing that in ways you both enjoy should be sought after and taken advantage of whenever possible. Can ya’ feel the love?
Find a great honeymoon get away for the weekend right in your own backyard. Recapture that spark. It’s no one’s business if you need that time together whether you’ve been married one month or forty years.
Heading to a bed and breakfast on the beach is a convenient way to make the weekend all about the two of you. One great place here in the Tampa Bay area is Harrington House Bed & Breakfast. This little B&B boasts amazing beaches and rooms that are secluded, peaceful, relaxing and the perfect boost for a fantastic weekend together. Keep in mind we’re in the off-season so prices are down and it’s a great time to take advantage of it before the summer crowds start to swarm.
Harrington House Bed & Breakfast
5626 Gulf Dr.
Holmes Beach, FL 34217
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