OK, now I have no idea what to make of this whole “Jeremy London getting kidnapped” story. Earlier in the week, the Mallrats actor came out of the woodwork to claim that he’d been kidnapped by two men while changing a tire, forced to smoke some crack, and then was compelled– at gunpoint– to purchase and distribute booze to an area of Palm Springs not known for its non-ghettoness. Then, London’s family came forward saying a series of things that kinda-sorta indicated that they didn’t really believe the story he was telling, despite the fact that the police had made an arrest in the case. Now things take a turn for the completely bizarre, as we learn that London’s kidnappers very politely gave his wife a lift home in the middle of the kidnapping. This whole thing is starting to reek of shenanigans, my friends. Read all about it below, my gentle Examiner readers…
What’s the real story behind this Jeremy London kidnapping? Yesterday, I was convinced that we’d hit the breaking point of believability for the story when London’s family came forward (in an interview with E! News) that seemed to indicate that they were a little suspicious of the actor’s claims. You might think that sounds a littel cold-hearted, but consider that London’s fought drug addiction in the past and has lied on a grand scale to those that care about him before. Despite all that, I was inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt when the cops made an arrest in the case.
But now there’s this:
Jeremy London’s wife was in the car with him when he was “kidnapped” and his alleged abductor gave her a ride home during the alleged crime, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.
Wait, what now?
We’ve learned that Melissa Cunningham was with Jeremy when he got a flat tire and was helped by men who eventually became his kidnappers. Several sources confirmed that Melissa was in the car and became scared and asked to be driven home – and the accused kidnapper complied!
OK, this is just getting ridiculous. There’s one of two things at work here: either London was actually just cruising around getting high with two associates and has his wife in on this lie, or he’s telling the truth and Jeremy London happened upon the two most polite kidnappers the world has ever seen. Neither seems likely, so this whole thing is just confusing at this point. Is it really possible that two armed kidnappers (armed with crack in addition to firearms) would drive London’s wife home in the middle of a kidnapping? What would the point of that be? If you’re ballsy enough to kidnap a dude from Seventh Heaven, wouldn’t you be ballsy enough to keep his wife around?
RadarOnline.com has also learned that Jeremy undergoes regular drug testing in connection to a custody issue involving his son. That newly discovered fact offers an instant defense for the man accused of “forcing” London to smoke drugs and it will fuel speculation that the actor faked his own kidnapping.
Alright, RadarOnline, stop right there. Yesterday, I mentioned that it seemed odd that London would make any of this up if he weren’t undergoing drug testing at someone’s request– the courts, his family, who knows– and now we learn that he was, in fact, being tested for drugs. That, right there, seems to indicate a motive to this guy as to why someone would construct an elaborate story to explain the presence of drugs in his system. But still, if that’s the case…is it possible that London’s wife is covering for him? What the hell is really going on here?
That’s all we’ve got for you for now, folks, but stay tuned for more as it becomes available. In the meantime, we’ve got all manner of funny videos, news, reviews, interviews, recaps, funny pictures, and more to keep you entertained all summer long, so hit the “Subscribe” button up top to get all of it delivered straight to your inbox, free of charge, the moment it’s published. Why, if that wasn’t enough, we’ve also got some other recent Comedy Examiner articles for you to look over while you’re here:
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(photos: top–zimbio.com, bottom–myspace.com)