Yesterday, news broke that Jeremy London– who once upon a time starred in Kevin Smith’s Mallrats and something called Seventh Heaven— had been kidnapped, forced to smoke crack at gunpoint, and then compelled to purchase and distribute booze in a ghetto area of Palm Springs. This was, without a doubt, the strangest story that we’d heard in some time, and despite the fact that many people suspected that London (who’s recently completed a rehab program following years’ worth of battles with drug addiction) was, y’know, making it up, cops have arrested two men and charged them with five felonies– including the a felony kidnapping charge. That seemed to satiate those who doubted the story, but it doesn’t sound like it’s appeased London’s family, who gave a very suspicious-sounding interview to E! Online. Keep on reading for the details, my gentle Examiner readers…
So, the big question of the day is: Did Jeremy London actually get kidnapped, forced to smoke crack at gunpoint, and then purchase and distribute a large amount of booze to some shady characters in Palm Springs? It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that’s happened that’s happened this week. That’s the story that London gave to the police, but many didn’t buy it. Following the arrest of one of the men implicated in the crime (he’s plead not guilty) on five felony charges, many began to accept London’s version of the trying ordeal. Guess who doesn’t sound so sure? His family:
Jeremy’s family are hoping their once fallen son uses this opportunity—whatever really happened—to “get the help he needs.”
We love Jeremy very, very much,” Jason says. “He’s lost. You’re 40, grow up. Learn from the mistakes you’ve made.”
That’s from an E! Online interview with his twin brother, Jason, and his parents, who all sound like they may not be totally convinced that things played out precisely the way that London claims they did. You’ll recall that one of the arresting officers claims to have seen the two alleged kidnappers approaching London while he was changing a tire earlier in the day in which the kidnapping occurred. The officer didn’t see anything criminal going on at that point (obviously), but saw enough to positively I.D. the suspects later. So, at the very least, we know that London was with these men for one reason or another.
But is it possible that London just hooked up with the duo, bought some crack, smoked it, and then decided that rather than own up to what he’d done, he’d lay this kidnapping accusation on their doorstep? That seems like a bit of a stretch to me: as far as I know, London’s not under any court-mandated orders to undergo drug testing (or anything else that might require him to have some sorta “cover story” set up to explain the presence of drugs in his system), so why bother? Furthermore, it’s not just a “covery story”– it’s an accusation that could end up with two men behind bars for a long time. Would London– drug addiction or not– really go that far out on that particular limb? Seems unlikely. Of course, the internet’s full of douchebags that will cry “FAKE!!!1!” over anything, but I’m buying what he’s selling.
That’s all we’ve got for you for now on this one, folks, but stay tuned for more on this bizarre story as it becomes available. In the meantime, we’ve got all manner of funny videos, news, reviews, interviews, recaps, funny pictures, and more to keep you entertained all summer long, so hit the “Subscribe” button up top to get all of it delivered straight to your inbox, free of charge, the moment it’s published. Why, if that wasn’t enough, we’ve also got some other recent Comedy Examiner articles for you to look over while you’re here:
“DAILY SHOW” HOST JON STEWART TO INTERVIEW GEORGE LUCAS AT “STAR WARS” CONVENTION: HERE’S 5 QUESTIONS HE SHOULD ASK– in which the Comedy Examiner gives the George Lucas horse carcass another whack, just for old time’s sake.
SOMEHOW, THE NEW “SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD” TRAILER IS EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN THE FIRST ONE (WITH VIDEO)– in which we look at the new “Scott Pilgrim” trailer and try to understand how something so awesome could have been created by man.
“MALLRATS” STAR JEREMY LONDON GETS KIDNAPPED, FORCED TO SMOKE CRACK, DISTRIBUTE BOOZE (NO, REALLY)– in which something really, really weird happens to that dude that was in “Mallrats” (don’t pretend like you don’t know which one; the one that’s not Jason Lee).
TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG NAMES JUSTIN BIEBER ONE OF THE “DOUCHEBAGS OF THE YEAR” (WITH VIDEO)– in which the obvious occurs.
(photos: top–radar.com, middle–myspace.com, bottom–estergoldberg.typepad.com)