Freelance writer, Dustin Goot wrote an article that I saw on Yahoo! also entitled, ‘Are you dating a player?’ He lists five signs to look for if you are worried that you are dating a potential player. Supposedly, he has used research from a psychology professor to come up with this list; but after reading his article, I identified many of the guys I know as having these same traits and they are in very happy, long-term relationships, not to mention great guys.
I have to wonder if this is not yet another unnecessary forewarning to single gals to take heed of every male that crosses their paths.
5. He’s bold. Personally, I think all guys are bold. It takes a lot of nerve for them to deliver some of the pickup lines I’ve heard. In order to be considered normal and non-playery, according to this article, a guy must be awkward. If he smiles and makes eye contact, this confidence is a trick and I am to run the other direction.
4. He declares his feelings right away. Although I do agree over the top extremes can be a little much, because a guy declares that he likes spending time with you, thinks you’re beautiful or laughs at your jokes because he thinks you’re funny, this is supposed to be a red flag to sneaky behavior? Guess I should look forward to zero compliments in my future if I’m to date a ‘good guy’.
3. He always plans romantic dates. Let me get this straight, if a guy plans a nice dinner, brings me flowers or takes the time to think up a creative date, I’m to be wary as opposed to the ‘catch’ who might pick me up, drive me through McDonald’s and call it a day? Dates are supposed to be romantic, aren’t they? As this is a person you are potentially going to be romantically involved with.
2. He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. “The player tends to be a lone wolf,” says the article. You ever hear guys refer to their other guy friends as their besties, like girls do? Do you see them traveling in packs, giggling, gossiping and sharing every detail of their day? Rarely. Guy friendships are more socially based. It doesn’t have to mean he doesn’t have any close friends, just not the gaggle that we do.
1. He’s a thrill-seeker. I just learned to rockclimb and want to zipline and learn to surf. I want to bungee jump and tandem out of an airplane. Am I to be considered a player now? I thought a sense of adventure was supposed to be a good thing.
The truth is this: if you read these kind of articles to look for signs of if your guy is a player, either a) you don’t have enough trust in him or b) you don’t have enough trust in yourself. Use your instincts. Ask questions. Don’t waste time analyzing every potential fault that someone might have. If you’re going to be in a relationship, be in it, instead of one foot out the door wondering if he matches the criteria of a freelancer’s article.
Side note: In case you’re wondering, three of the signs he’s a nice, upstanding guy are: he remembers details and events; he treats his mama right; and he can mingle. Funny, Tiger Woods embodies those three qualities and look how well he turned out.
Kansas City, you’re not going to meet anyone, player or not, until you get out and socialize. Power and Light has Free Summer Concerts that draw great performers and big crowds. Nara located at 16th and Main has a casual vibe, yummy sushi and great happy hours. And these are only two of many, many chances you have to mingle. But it doesn’t matter where you go, just be friendly, have fun and contrary to Dustin Goot’s belief, be bold!
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