“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one that gets burned.”
– Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.
It’s Father’s Day and instead of the Hallmark card warm fuzzies this brings up for many people, for you it creates thought sparks of anger and resentment. Okay. Since this anger isn’t doing you any good, let’s see what can be done with it.
4 Tips to alleviate Dad anger:
- Acknowledge the truth of the original hurt. Understand that the emotion is justified. Angelwalker and Spiritual Coach, Rev. Beth Evason reveals this truth: The kids that live inside you are absolutely justified in holding these less than pleasant emotions. They witnessed and experienced real hurt. No amount of rationalization, attempts to mollify or intellectually understand will remove the wounding these ‘internal children’ still hold. Rev. Evason suggests a different approach. Face the internal children and tell them they have every right to be angry. The parent that was supposed to guard and protect them failed to do so. It doesn’t matter why they failed to do so…the failure is real. Acknowledge this fact and ‘tell’ your inner kids they got slammed, betrayed, disrespected and whatever else is appropriate. How do you do this? There are a variety of methods. One is to get a picture of yourself at the approximate age that seems to hold the most anger and talk to this image…if you don’t have a picture, you can use an image from your mind’s eye. Mirrors may also be effective. The point is to address the internal kid as if it is real, because it is…it is living in your psyche affecting your ability to live a joy-filled life. Hint: Do this when no one else is around.
- Accept the reality and justification of the anger. Acknowledge it and accept it. Don’t try to change it or lessen it or ‘treat it’. You are not dealing with an adult…you are dealing with an immature entity of an age (1, 2, 5, 7, etc.) that is not capable of adult mental thought. This is the beginning of developing a trusting relationship with yourSelf…including all the little lesser selves living inside you.
- Re-Parent your self. Yes, you read this correctly. Look, you have inner children that got betrayed and then when their fear and anger showed up as you became an adult…you betrayed them by ignoring them and pushing the emotion back down. Granted, it leaked out somewhere, but it was not addressed nor acknowledged. Bottom line..you don’t trust you. More specifically, the inner kids that live inside you, don’t trust you or any other adult. Why should they? Adults have consistently betrayed them.
- Leave Dad out of it for now. You’re not ready to do anything about Dad until you get your inner kids listening and more importantly, trusting…you.
Perhaps this is a bit weird, but, IT WORKS. If we’re honest, we will admit to having these committees/voices inside our heads telling us what to do and what not do…more than one voice and not all in agreement. For some, it’s not voices, but a volley of conflicting emotions. The difference between a healthy individual and one diagnosed with a mental condition is that the healthy individual ‘knows’ and ‘hears’ the voices in a mixed up cacophony of chaos…the one with a mental disorder has these identities in disassociation with each other.
Don’t know what I mean about a lot of voices?…Hmmm…should I get this pair of shoes…do I like the color, what about the cost, will this style stay in vogue, is it too young looking, too plain…clamor…clamor.
That’s the Way IT WORKS.
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